i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
