I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
