you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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