Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
