sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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