he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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