I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
