before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
