I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
