She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
