The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Panties = found
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
