Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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(847): View more from Illinois

And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

I should injure you considerably.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.

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(503): View more from Oregon

The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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(512): View more from Texas

I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.

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(214): View more from Texas

You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.

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(616): View more from Michigan

So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.

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