you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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