we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
