honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize