I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have aggressive nipples.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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