Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
