I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
