Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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