I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
