there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
