I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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