Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
