the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
