last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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