Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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