just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
