2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
