I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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