i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
