So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just invented taco cereal.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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