Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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