I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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