So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
