I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
