i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
