You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
