Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
