farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
