Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
