please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize