That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
