so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
