Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
