I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
