She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
