i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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