All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
