Yo dont text me then not text me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Come share oat with me in your robe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
