Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
