I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
