You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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