RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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