you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pants are for mortals
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
