DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
