worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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