Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
