oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
