love makes seman taste better
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
