this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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