Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
