I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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