girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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