Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
