I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
